Talk to Your Enemy: A Wish for the New Year

~ by Amichai Lau-Lavie, Faith House Advisory Council member, and founder, executive, and artistic director of Storahtelling Inc.

Things got heated during the first televised presidential campaign when Iran was mentioned. Will the future president of the United States sit with the present president of Iran, whose hateful words towards the US and Israel just echoed in NYC? Does talking to the enemy legitimize the other’s views?

McCain and Obama probably didn’t know it but their debate on this issue touched on the core issue of the High Holy Days: the art of talking to the enemy.  In the classical Judaic liturgy for this season of reflection, the enemy is often described as a voice within–our personal demons, nay-saying selves that lead us into thought patterns and behaviors we later regret. How does one deal with these inner enemies? Meet them at the table, say the sages: confront, converse, come to terms–but do not avoid that which holds you back from becoming all that you wish to be in the world.

But the enemy is not just an internal voice. One of the demands this season is to confront real-life enemies and do what we can to amend conflict. Atonement with God is not possible until one is reconciled with fellow human beings, says the Talmud. Go through your address book, highlight those with whom you have unfinished business, then take the plunge and meet them at the table: initiate a conversation–no matter what. I know: easier said than done.

To give us inspiration and to make that point clear, our ancestors chose really challenging Torah stories to accompany these days.  On the first day of Rosh HaShana, we will meet Abraham and Sarah and witness as they deport Hagar and Ishmael, the no-longer-wanted-at-home surrogate mother and firstborn child. On the second day, we will accompany Isaac to the mountaintop on which his father expects to sacrifice him in the name of God. On Yom Kippur we will hear the silent scream of Aaron, the high priest whose two sons’ die while on duty, and we will spend three days inside the belly of a big fish, trapped with Jonah, a reluctant social activist.  None of these biblical tales are simple, and all point us in one direction: we need to show compassion for the other in our lives, to learn from and with the other, and even to reconcile with the other–both within ourselves, and within the full ranks of humanity.

The Torah Service, invented by Ezra the Scribe in Jerusalem, 2,500 years ago on Rosh Ha’shana (Happy Birthday, Torah Service!)–was meant to accompany our lives with the values, found in stories, that will chart our growth and guide our way. The stories chosen for the High Holidays are no exception:  inside each and every one of them hides a coded call for awareness and action, potentially personalized by each one of us, if we pause to listen.

This year, the second day of Rosh HaShana, October 1st, coincides with Eid Al Fitr–the Holiday of the Sacrifice,  the festive conclusion of Ramadan. On this day, as Jews chant the Torah tale of Abraham binding his son Isaac, Muslims recall the Koran’s version,  in which the son bound is believed to be Yishmael. What a grand opportunity this can be for dialogue, for conversation–with preparation, but without pre-conditions–between the children of Isaac and the children of Yishmael, children in bitter conflict nowadays, but whose origin story and legacy of pain is one and the same: the raised knife of their father. How do we get beyond that pain and all those that followed and chart a peaceful and respectful co-existence?  Set the table: start with a conversation–on this New Year’s Day, and beyond.

May this year bring us closer to having uncomfortable conversations with all respected others, inside ourselves and out in the world.  May we all have the courage to face the rage and hurt, pleas and passions, and invite ourselves to a table with our enemies, laden with nourishment for a well earned feast of peace.

Shana Tova & Eid – al – Fitr Said!

May Peace Prevail!